I learned something today. In a way, it was about me but it was more about my friend.
Hill Repeats from Hell
Today was pretty sucky from the get-go. I slept horribly again and woke up in a negative Nelly/pissed at the world pit of yuck. So I was down on the quality workout before I even got there: more hill repeats. My heart was just not there; I was borderline teary; the negative self talk had been unrelenting.
After two hill repeats, I wanted to quit. I wanted my coach to tell me I needed to quit. And then we (or rather I, because by this time I had been left firmly in the dust by my training partners) came around for the third climb and the thought occurred to me that Ironman didn’t have an “opt out”–and so I had to go.
It wasn’t very well done. And I had to pause on the recovery on the way back because my legs were shaking so much when I had to stop for traffic that I couldn’t get going right away again. The fourth one? Well, I had to talk to myself to get it done. And thank goodness for my coach at the top encouraging me. Add to that the fact that I knew my training partners weren’t quitters.
My good friend said some things to me afterwards that helped me with my demon (which is that negative pit I get into) but also made me get a glimpse really for the first time of the demon that she deals with (open water swimming). I had no true understanding of the depth of her feeling and our brief talk renewed all the feelings of respect and admiration I have for her.
Real courage isn’t being fearless–it’s being afraid and still facing it square-on.