Weight Gain and Self Shaming Go Hand in Hand

Sweat stained the woman’s gray tank top. I watched her reflection in the gym mirror as she carefully executed one bicep curl after another. I glared before turning away. “Ugh,” I sneered in disgust, the words floating inside an ugly cartoon thought bubble. “How did you get to look like that?” As our coach gently… Continue reading Weight Gain and Self Shaming Go Hand in Hand

Replacing My Early Morning Run with Cooking

Up-down-up-down; the red onion made a wet woosh, leaving a smear of fuchsia against the mandolin’s sharp blade. The repetitive motion induced the kind of meditative trance I’d experience listening to my footfalls on a pre-sunrise run. Up-down-up-down. Checking the Right Box Sometimes, I’m awake early. The I-can’t-sleep-and-this-is-still-technically-nighttime kind of early. What is there to do in the… Continue reading Replacing My Early Morning Run with Cooking

Inner Critics Are My Own Worst Enemies

The good news: my heart is perfectly normal. The bad news: my heart is perfectly normal. Ok, that’s a really flippant, inappropriate answer totally mocking the good fortune of a healthy cardiac system. My sincere apologies to anyone suffering from a horrible heart condition. What renders these results frustrating is that, once again, I’m nowhere closer to… Continue reading Inner Critics Are My Own Worst Enemies

Is Depression the Cause or Result?

If timing and title has you wondering whether this is another political sob fest to avoid, be not afraid. Proceed to read. Unless, of course, you’re avoiding exercise-related sob fests. Which this will be. See, I’m not working out much because I’m tired as hell and it wears me out to run. And the other day, I… Continue reading Is Depression the Cause or Result?

What Happens In a Sleep Study (Spoiler: It’s Not That Scary)

When I hear “sleep study,” I immediately flash to the lab from “House,” where bored doctors watch a patient who’s lying on a gurney, hooked up to weird wires, through a hospital window. Or something totally scary, a la “The Haunting.”   Now that I’ve done one, however, I know neither scenario could be further from… Continue reading What Happens In a Sleep Study (Spoiler: It’s Not That Scary)

Too Tired to Run Means Something’s Wrong

What I’m about to reveal feels like some sort of dirty confession. You see, my body recently screamed at me: “These workouts are wiping you out!” So I listened. Over the last six months, my exercise has gradually dwindled, reduced from multiple-times-a-day fun to an “I don’t know if I can make it through today” energy suck.… Continue reading Too Tired to Run Means Something’s Wrong

Back Blogging Again

It’s been almost exactly two months since I last wrote. Not a lot has changed. I’m still having fatigue, especially if I try any intensity. I can last about 15 minutes “pushing it” and then it is like a severe “bonk.” The legs are heavy, everything slows, and I’m just done. My endurance at a slow pace… Continue reading Back Blogging Again